Take This Life

Here is the recorded version of the song I wrote in the previous blog. I pray you are blessed by it.
I wrote this song after I found out we were moving to a new city. As I struggled through letting go of my life I began to pray that no matter what I would do what God wanted, and he would be glorified in my attitude and behavior. At the same time there were a couple ladies in my church who had gone through some really hard times one lost her baby and the other had to deliver very early. I watched these ladies continue to proclaim Gods goodness, and glorify him.  I was inspired by there love and faithfulness to the Lord. No matter what they still trusted The Lord knowing it was His will for this to happen. I asked myself, if that was me, how would I respond, would I be willing to say I would do it again if God was glorified and people were drawn to him.  This song really comes from these 3 stories.

Why ask Why?

Sometimes as a christian I think that I cant ask God why when a trial comes along. I have to keep it all together and "be" strong. Because if I am weak, or question... then I am not trusting and depending on Him. To some extent there is truth in that, however, I find in the scriptures many of Gods faithful servants have asked God why? In my study of Job this morning I was struck by how many times Job asks God why. For some reason I always thought job never questioned God during his trials, but that isn't the case. Job was a distressed man, enduring what he felt like he was going through was worse then death. Now I also have to point out there were moments where Job was out of line, and in the end he is rebuked by God for this. But I cant help but notice and read the heart wrenching moments where Job exposes his heart for what it is, and take notice that it is some times those moments of prayerful, tearful honest questions in prayer that God can expose and transform my heart the most. In Job 7, Job shares some pretty dark questions v20, Have I sinned? What have I done to you, O watcher of men, Why have you set me as your target.... As I read these words I thought,  how many times have I said this in my heart, "why me God" But as I continue to read in Ch 9 Job goes back to what he knows about God v2 "In truth I know that this is so"........This is where our questioning and our whys should lead us to remember what we know to be true about God. That even though I am going through this trial or hardship I know that He is _________faithful, true, loving, creator, he can do all things, and is accomplishing his will for his glory. As we cry out and bare our soul to him he reminds us that he is stronger, that he has all power, that he has brought us through this to refine us. We can all fill in the blank. So it is not that we can not fall to our knees and cry out to the Lord and ask him why, I think there are moments where we need to. But we need to go to his word in these moments and ask ourselves "What is true about God inspite of what I am going through right now. And in those moments is when our questions turn to trust, our disbelief turns to faith, and our doubts turn to confidence. In those moments our hearts are transformed and our questions are answered.  

Our questioning will many times start with why God, but will end with how can I TRUST you no matter what.  A while back I wrote a song called Take this life. Talking about whatever the trial or hard time if it brings me closer to God and he is glorified then whether in death or life, no matter how many times that he would take my life and use it for His glory. 

Nothing in this world can satisfy

You are my portion my supply

Through the joy and through the pain

Lord take me as you will, Again and Again

Take this life take all I am use it for glory 

Death to Death and Life to Life 

From the Bottom of my heart I will cry

In the darkest of the night

Lord you are my delight 

Through the wind and through the rain 

Lord take my hand and lead me out again

Take this life, Take all I am use it for your glory

Death to Death, and Life to Life, from the bottom of my heart I will cry

So let you light shine through, Jesus

Let you light shine through, Jesus. 

As David put it in Psalm 139:23-24 

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grevious way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! 

Why I started a blog

These past few months have been a time of heart felt prayer, and re-evaluating my life up to this point. As God has moved us away from a busy life in service to him it has made me have to really look at what I was holding on to and placing before him. Each day faced with a new challenge of adjusting to a new life and new start. Exciting at times but also trying. Feeling alone at times, but also feeling close to the Lord because there was no one else I could turn to. So I would bow my knees and the tears would flow, the questions would rise, and the truth of what was really in my heart would emerge. In this time I began writing in my journals in a new way. Lyrics began to flow and melodies with them. Songs pouring through me onto a page and into my voice recorder on my iphone. Songs of declaration, and songs of heart felt prayer, songs of praise, and songs of truth. I had never been a song writer but now I found myself writing songs all the time. I would share some with family and friends, but never any thing more, until I got to share one at a retreat I was leading worship at this year for my old church Compass Bible Church. The response was overwhelming, women singing to the Lord a new song of praise and declaration. Gods name being glorified and uplifted. It was awesome, and I thought I would love to do this more. I have always had a heart for women, and that is the area God has allowed me to serve in for the past 10 years leading worship for various retreats and conferences and serving on staff at a church as the women's ministry worship leader. Over time I have begun to see and felt called to this area of ministry. So after much prayer and being moved to a new area I am starting something new. I am going to take that love for Gods word, for music, for women, and combine them all by writing music for women based on the deep rich theology of Gods word, to share with women to encourage and exhort them to pursuing holiness in their lives. I want to sing for womens events, bible studies, teas, concerts, womens conferences. Anywhere God allows me. I also want to use this blog to post new songs I write, and wisdom from Gods word. This is going to be real and raw and I call it. Heart to Heart. The songs I sing and the words I type are going to be from my heart prayerfully to yours as God leads me through his word and his truth. So come along on this journey with me, and if you  know any women's ministries that might be encouraged by what I want to do let me know?